#but i was far away in the process
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"I always thought that princes got to choose their own destiny. I guess I was wrong." - Yasmeen to Malachai when seeing the pressure he's under
“This is just a myth, nothing else.”
Malachai shrugged, looking at the status of Farore in front of him. The prince wasn't a pious man, but he found himself being drawn to the place quite often lately. The fact that Yasmeen was there during her free time probably play a role in it, for her presence was quite relaxing to him, but he did not want to admit it just yet. As usual, they were silent, they did not need words, they were both content with the silence, which was perfect for Malachai. The man loved his siblings, but they were real chatterboxes sometimes, and the church was the only place here where he could avoid his brother and sister, for none of them would dare disturb such a sacred place. Yasmeen wasn't the talkative kind of girl, and it was refreshing. She wasn't trying to pierce through his shell, it even seemed that she was happy with him being silent.
“I thought that if I was staying in the Fae kingdom, I could avoid my responsibility, but it seemed that I was completely wrong.” He sighed, before looking at Yasmeen who had her eyes on him.
“What are you going to do?”
“What my father want me to do. Meet the ladies he'll send for me.” He answered, but Yasmeen could see that it wasn't the answer he wanted to give her. “I really was hoping that Morgana will reject my father request to send them here.”
“The High Queen isn't threatened by young ladies, even less if they come from the sea.”
“Is that an insult?”
“Not at all, just an observation.”
The prince laughed a little, and he felt a bit more relax now. Yasmeen had this effect on him, every time he was tense, he just needed to spend a few hours with the servant for him to forget what was troubling him. Sometimes, when she wasn't there, he just needed to think about her smile for him to feel better. But right now, it seemed that the young girl's presence wasn't enough to make him forget the discussion he had with his father, a few hours sooner. Triton had had enough of his little game of avoidance. He knew that if his eldest son was so often at the Seelie Court, it wasn't only to make sure his sister was safe, but also to avoid his duty, and the duty he was avoiding the most was marriage.
Triton started to talk about it a few months back, and Malachai did not think much about it. He knew that, as the eldest, he should have been married a long time ago, but with Calypso's ordeal, he succeeded to deflect the situation. But now that things were settled, he knew he couldn't escape anymore. But the High King of the ocean was growing tired of his son's game, and was becoming more insistent in the idea of marrying him. If Malachai did not want to come meet the bachelorette his father found for him, then they will come to him instead. The prince knew that, with a pending war against the fae, Triton wanted to be sure he'll secure his bloodline. He did not know why it was so important for his father, for he knew he'll never give his throne, so having an heir shouldn't be his priority.
“You do not want to see them.” Yasmeen said, which bring him back to reality, and it was more an observation than a question.
“I do not want that, no...” Malachai admit before sighing.
“Why? I mean, maybe you'll find a match among them.” She whispered, and Malachai thought he heard a bit of resentment, and the perspective of that made him smile a little, but he might have imagined it.
“You know perfectly why.”
To go with his words, he slowly and softly put his hand on Yasmeen's one. He thought, for a minute, that she would withdraw her hand, break the physical contact that he was daring to make, but she did not. She even surprised him by squeezing his hand, while looking in front of her. They stay silent, holding hands like children would do when they are in love. This was the only physical contact they allowed themselves to have in a semi-public place, here, in the church. No one ever came here, they knew it, so they knew they wouldn't be disturbed or caught, but that does not mean they weren't careful, they were constantly on the look-out. Even now, when they knew they were at peace, alone, they couldn't help but look behind them to be sure no one sneaked into the church without their knowledge.
The only place they allowed themselves to be open and affectionate was in Malachai's room. And yet, even there it was quite hard for both of them to be truly affectionate with one another, for both of them weren't used to it. Sometimes, the prince was envious to his sister and brother, who were showered with love by their mother growing up, making them more comfortable to express their feelings. Malachai had to grow up in a strict environment, with Triton, who believed that physical contact and love were just weaknesses.
The merman did not let go of Yasmeen's hand, although he knew he should. To be honest, he was craving for more, he wanted to hug her, tell her how lovely she looked right now, and most importantly, that he loved her. He wanted to say those words again and again, but he did not have the luxury to do it outside the comfort of his room.
“Believe me when I say I don't want to do this.”
“I do believe you.”
“But I can't go against my father.”
“I know that.” Yasmeen showed no emotion, like usual, but she squeezed his hand a little more, and he liked to believe she was as annoyed as he was by his father's decision. “When are they coming?”
“In two days.”
“That means we won't be able to see each other as much.”
“I wish things were different. For us.”
“Do you wish I was noble blood?”
“I wish I wasn't a prince.”
The girl looked at him, quite surprised by such words. She really thought Malachai was quite content with his status, just like his sister was, but right now she was seeing a different side of him. A prince with too much responsibility on his shoulders, someone his father was asking too much from. Someone who would never be able to leave the life he wanted and deserved. It was the first time the merman voiced those words. It wasn't the first time he thought them, many times in the past he was wishing he wasn't a prince, at least not the firstborn, but it was the first time he felt comfortable enough to confess it to someone. After that, they stayed silent. They both did not know what to say more. After a moment, Malachai kissed the back of Yasmeen's hand, that he was still holding. He did not want to break this only physical contact they had, but he had too. It's with a heavy heart that he let go of her, before standing and adjusting his jacket.
“Will you come tonight? We can discuss a strategy for me to avoid those boring ladies.”
“I'll be there, yes.” She answered with amusement, and he couldn't help but smile.
“With a bit of luck, Aeron will distract them all from me.”
“I do think that he will definitively try.” This time she laughed, and his heart missed a beat to the sound of it. He once again took her hand, before kissing it, making her smile in the process.
“I'll see you around, Meena.” He said before quietly leave the church.
#malachai blackwater#kai x yasmeen#maleen#malachai writing prompt#writing prompt#i hate it so much#but i was far away in the process#i didn't want to delete everything#but i am not proud of it#some part are fine#but others are crap#it's hard to write for a character who doesn't show emotions#when you're used to show yours#but kai is interesting to write about#so i guess it's fine#icanbeyourgenie
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Finally, my design for Mysterion!! this boy gave me so much heartache in the process of making this but its ok its all worth it for him <3
I also couldn't choose between the version with hair or without hair, so here's the one without under the cut (+ my initial drafts for his design):
#south park#south park fanart#south park the fractured but whole#tfbw#south park tfbw#mysterion#kenny mccormick#shroomer's archives: south park#shroomer's art !#time for me to yap about my design process in the tags again#so yea. MYSTERION!!! just another different flavor of kenny#are you sick of seeing me draw him yet#anyways. i made the poncho follow the shape of an M to recreate the M on his original design on his chest#but i also have green lines on his undershirt that travel up his arms and onto his chest to recreate the shape of an M#if the hood were to ever be ripped off#gave him the sort of police utility belts because he was close to the police in his first episode#and also just because theyre cool lol#ALSO I STOLE THE SPRAY PAINTED QUESTION MARK ON HIS HOOD i really like how it looks i think it was vicchaosz here on tumblr who inspired me#made the poncho ragged because. yknow. he dies a lot. that thing is not gonna walk away in tip top shape.#kept most of the colors the same with only a few changes like his boots and his underpants (which i changed to shorts)#OH AND MY FAVORITE HAPPY ACCIDENT!!! the underside of his hood was too dark in contrast to his shorts so i added some lilac to lighten it u#and it ended up looking like when mysterion goes into his ghost form in the game AND ITS JUST. UGH. SUCH A COOL HAPPY ACCIDENT.#so yea: not only did it help with the contrast its also THEMATIC!!#i swear he's not shorter in the lineup hes just slouching#i love this feral ass pose i put him in#ok i think thats it if you read this far ily and i smooch you#mwah#i hope this post does well lol i put so much effort into this
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i thought / m a n / these girls are quite heartless 🤣 when i accepted the quest at /clearly/ inconvenient time to swim & dive
#the lake was like a pool of darkness at night; and i had to get him swim to the center of it; so far away from the surface#it was so scary; as if he will just disappear & never come back to the surface once i let him dive in; to the darkness#poppy sweeting#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hogwarts legacy mc#fanart#grace pinch smedley#The Lost Astrolabe#Nerida Roberts#Merky Depths#animagus has no business having to be so hard to achieve........... ; i would want to turn to animals too..........#but the process is sooooooo elaborate........ ; i would choke a thousand times on the mandrake leaf ;#& one of them would get to the wrong pipe and end me before i achieve anything ...............................#anyhow imagining everyone as animals is just like what floyd does; as a mermaid; giving everyone nicknames as sea creatures#there was a manga where everyone can turn into animals but this one boy that has social difficulty i think; i wonder if i can find it again#i think it had not been updated for the longest time#augh also reminds me of 0ki from 0kami#i envy him and the 0ina people who can transform into dogs#i am off to watch the rest of br1dgeton episodes of season 3
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anyway related to my "gullible" post i do think bonnie didn't really have a lot of friends / any good friends. i'm taking a watsonian approach to "some of the things bonnie does seem more like age 5-8 than 10-12", and a doylist approach to "everyone in this party grew up kinda lonely and feels disconnected from their peer group"
#thoughts#thoughts about bonnie#bambouche is so small no one woulda gotten away with being Mean to bonnie. and people were generally Nice anyway#they still had friends and got to do fun things with them#they just.. didn't get invited to play Every game#and the person they considered their best friend didn't consider bonnie to be even top three#yknow#lots of factors...#bonnie wasn't there as a baby/toddler - they arrived right at the age where kids start to remember and care who's already their friend#and bonnie and nille were 'the newcomers' and will remain as such for 10 or 20 years#and for the first couple years bonnie was behind in most social-emotional and academic skills due to their early years in an abusive house#and while they mostly caught up#'forming close bonds with peers' is just a rly hard thing to catch up on#bc if you're too far behind you just don't get the chance to practice and thus you fall even further behind#and then specifically some of the words bonnie needs help with i would expect them to already know / have no issue pronouncing#possible explanations could be that vaugardian is a second language or they've got some language or auditory processing issues#and either way - having trouble communicating can rly isolate you esp as a kid#also everyone in this party is autistic. to me#isat#bonnie#isat bonnie
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seeing ppl on twitter’s takes about snowgrave kriselle makes me want to kill myself oh my godddd “its toxic” “regular kriselle better bc its healthier” DO YOU THINK I WANT TO SEE THEM MUSHY KISS AND BE LOVEY DOVEY AND HUG EACH OTHER??? NO!!! the APPEAL is that adding romantic connotations to their snowgrave relationship (which mind you very much already exists in canon) allow their relationship to become so much more interesting. do i think they’ll become truly endgame canon? do i think they’re in love with each other??? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! AND I DONT WANT THEM TO!!! the POINT is that it’s supposed to be dark and interesting and exploratory of their characters in relation to the deconstruction of autonomy in video games through gender roles and principles of knighthood and the idea of the “damsel in distress”. not to mention that “shipping” regular kriselle and snowgrave kriselle isnt mutually exclusive either. in fact i think understanding both allows you to analyse their relationship much more fully and deeply than without considering the other side. and besides, isnt the fucking point of shipping to explore character relationships??? why would you want to Ignore nuance and depth rather than focus on it???? are you unable to handle anything deeper or darker than like fucking cocomelon??? if you hate character analysis and dark themes in relationships you can head on back there or smth idfk oh my lord i cant fucking TAKE IT ANYMORE
#snowgrave#kriselle#rant#deltarune#this probably comes off as harsh lol#i was going to add its alright if you find snowgrave kriselle uncomfortable for personal reasons#but like sincerely if youre in the utdr fandom and you’ve seen the fucking geno route then i think you can handle this#and not only that but i feel like nowadays fandoms are purposefully trying to get away from darker subject matter and themes#while in the process airbrushing nuance and details in favour of shoving characters into tropes and boxes#all in the name of ‘person comfort’ and ‘preference’#and while i cant control what other people do or ship or whatever#i do think its a sign that we’re leaning far more into anti-intellectualism these days#and people are just completely unwilling to engage with things outside their comfort zone#its okay to have preferences! its fine if you think kriselle is bad!#but like if your only reasoning is that its unhealthy and toxic then idfk what to tell you man#please play/watch/read better media#relationships in media can be toxic and unhealthy and portrayed without romanticisation#kriselle is very much so!#my ideal version of them is that neither of them have feelings for each other at all#neither does the player have any for noelle#the romantic/marriage connotations are there as metaphor for the stripping of autonomy through a forced heterosexual lens#however if they somehow form some fucked up forced conditioning traumabond feelings for each other along the way which fucks things up even#more… now THATS fucking interesting#really gets you questioning the lines between the decisions you make and the ones they make of their own volition#suselle completely endgame though#i just like analysing kriselle more LOL
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the purely technical issue i have with genshin is that they have started to prolong dialogue sections into awfully large bits. it means that if your game crashes or you have to step away from playing or lose connection, you will have to replay a big chunk of unskippable dialogue that you already know, until you get back on track. i really wish we had more stops in between for the game to save and reload safely, even if it’s just teleporting, walking a bit with the character, moving time, anything at all to get out of the dialogue for a break without losing your progress.
#i have noticed it first around the latest lantern rite — unusually long conversation between some npcs and then zhongli#where i feel like there should be a pause before zhongli’s arrival if it were to follow the past tendencies#it was also quite annoying during some story quests in fontaine (especially when many characters from there are quite talkative)#hmm… natlan tribe chronicles etc. seem fine tbh but i’ve only done kinich so far so can’t really say much#but they also don’t feel like story quests and i think that playable characters deserve separate story quests anyway!!!#archon quest is quite yappy too and i really want a break to process information and walk away from pc without leaving the game open lol#my friend had to tap the dialogue button constantly for 10 minutes after their genshin had crashed in the middle of the quest#gaming.
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My Connection Lost Comm of White Fang Members by @ogariane
#blake belladonna#ghira belladonna#adam taurus#sienna khan#rwby#art#<3#Was nervous as it was my first time commissioning someone to draw four people but the process was very smooth thanks to the artist ^^'#& they did such a great job. They took my changes and applied all of them. There were a lot (From switched poses/images to added colour)#(I especially love the different styles of the tvs and the tvs they're holding are blurry yet they themselves are crystal clear)#I thought it'd be nice to portray how adam and blake were once connected to each other and ghira/sienna but have since lost that connection#as they each form their own core ideas/values of what the faunus should do in the face of discrimination and how best to assist their peopl#Small tidbit: The TVs they're sitting on as foundation are meant to represent the previous faunus leaders who had their signals cut off.#(The white fang may have been founded by Ghira but with how far away the war/revolution and creation of the faunus. . . there had to have#been other leaders before him).
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Star Wars + Moodboards
Clone Trooper: Sister
"What's your name, trooper?" “Sister. It's how my brothers tell everyone I belong."
#clone trooper sister#the clone wars#sw the clone wars#star wars the clone wars#star wars tcw#tcw#swtcw#sw edit#swedit#star wars#queen's hope#star wars brotherhood#E. K. Johnston#this was tricky to choose images for#it doesn't seem realistic Sister would've had time or resources to access gender affirming cosmetic procedures & stuff if she wanted#i would HOPE that the doctors of the GAR would at least be able and willing to give her hormones if she wanted?#and idk what the timeframe is like for gender transition process a long time ago in a galaxy far far away#so idk ultimately chose to use photo of a model who's femme but whose features that reminded me of the earlier seasons TCW clones
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what do the murder time trio turn into after they die??? well you know me. i totally have this figured out (smug emoji) (no i dont) ANYWAYS i definitely dont think that dust would dust away normally while horror bleeds out when he dies and killer melts away into a pile of nasty dt,,,,, IM LYING I DO. dust would dust away because he doesnt really have any body modifications that would result in anything special. horror bleeds out because its a horrortale monster staple to have more physical-ish forms because of their diet (horror doesnt,,, HAVE a diet so let's just say he bleeds AND dusts away) killer i feel is,,,,, incredibly obvious,,,,, like monsters with dt do i think he'd go all melty and goopy and thats how he dies! in a pile of himself,,,,ewuaghhhhh its STICKY 😞 AND incredibly corrosive???? UASGAHSGSUAH (my hand disintegrates)
#i didnt sneak this hc into my mtt fic no siree i definitely DIDNT#okaaaaay i miiiiightve....... just a bit though!!!! just a bit!!!!!! to add some interest because if they all dusted away it would be BORINF#it's far too late for me (i've been falling asleep like 2 hours earlier than 11:30 lately) so i really cant process any sort of additional#thoughts about this post even tho its a good idea and ausaghhhh i cant think and lowkey i said all i needed to say anyways!)#3/10.... drafted december 15...... not THAT old smh. probably why i was able to put it into the fic lul#tricule hc#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#this is all my fault i over estimated myself..... still have to finish jk fashion au stuff.....uuuughhhhhhhhhh
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Love jaydick and how they love each other.
They'll never have joy over a joined kill...
Jason will take pride in doing the right thing.
While Dick will suffer the misery of doing what needs to be done.
Dick loves Jason in spite of his violence. He acknowledges his lack of understanding of Jason's need to enact such form of justice, and he wouldn't necessary join Jason in his methods. But Dick's love for Jason is so strong he is willing to tolerate, for Jason only.
#jaydick#would this breed bitterness in their love?#maybe but surely not enough to break them apart#jason has his fair share of concessions for dick's sake#do i think tolerance is a great base for fictional love?#maybe but jaydick's love is that of a realistic basis jason and dick have been through so much to be away and close to each other#life worked against them with bruce in between them and their very interesting dynamic#loving each other is a conscious choice put into practice#jason love dick from the beginning while dick learnt to slowly accept his love and give some of his own back to jason#it' hard to put everything between them behind but they do it's a difficult process and they do their best with it#we have our own love in our life and tolerance. real selfless tolerance of another is such a great testament of love in my opinion#dick doesn't hang this over jason's head just like jason doesn't hang his many concessions (far more than dick) over dick's#they learnt from past experiences that this line of behaviour won't get them nowhere#so yeah#they decided to love each other despite everything&everyone#which is a damn hard thing to do if you are them lol
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also there was a moment, at the very end when they see evan at the other end of a long hallway, where i was very scared that when they reached each other aabria would say that evan passes right through them. thank god it was only that evan's dick is out
#laughs awkwardly#dimension 20#misfits and magic spoilers#there must be a catch. this can't be over yet. i mean this is aabria we're talking about#when evan came back i had like a whole checklist of questions#is evan's dead body still in his backpack or is it gone now. does evan have his shoes on (or are his stuff in sam's shadow)#is evan's arm back to its healed badly pre-explosion state or is it healed. if it is healed has all his other scars also healed#does evan have a shadow right now? does his shadow seem strange in anyway?#i thought it was really fun that brennan played dead evan as not just being physically but emotionally removed#he's not fully there he's so far away and he isn't fully processing or feeling anything that's happening#but once he's Back back he's like I MISSED YOU GUYS QAQ
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MORE WIPPY’S BC I FIXED THAT ONE THINGY AND I FINALLY ANIMATED THE VERY THING I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO !!!!
#umi💫’s art#i’m so far away from coloring it#BUT#it’s the process that matters to me 😭#this is such a learning experience for me and it’s been a blast#figuring out the road bumps that i have to stop and analyze it#ITS LITERALLY A PUZZLE OMG !!!
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I feel like I'm going insane. That episode read to me as a lot more tragic than other people are reading it. Yeah they were racist and rich and spoiled and awful but they were just kids. They were all just kids. Lindy was absolutely terrified throughout the whole thing and clinging desperately to what she knew, which was terrible. They could've had the chance to learn and become better but they chose to go die and it's infuriating and tragic because nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be eaten by slugs or die of exposure in the woods. Nobody deserves to suffer like that. But they chose it rather than let the Doctor help them because they'd rather stay in their rich white supremacist bubble and he just wants to help and there's nothing he can do.
Maybe it's because one of my core beliefs is that nobody deserves death and suffering. Nobody. Even the worst person on earth can learn from their mistakes and come back and change and everyone deserves that chance. There's no such thing as too late. But they're never going to get that chance because they actively rejected it and to me that's still very, very sad.
#dead men do tell tales#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#dot and bubble#I am losing my mind. I am actually losing my mind#maybe it's because my brain is always telling me that I'm the worst person alive#instead of just saying that no I'm not my response is to say yeah okay and even the worst person alive doesn't deserve to die and can chang#what matters is that I'm taking the next step. and anyone can choose at any point to take the next step#and they actively rejected doing that and it's sad and infuriating#because nobody deserves to die#but they get what they chose#there's also the fact that I was raised by racist trump supporters and had to unlearn a lot of shit#which I was only able to do because I got out of my small town cult bubble and I was actually willing to listen to people#the problem comes when you see assholes and go wow look at those horrible unsympathetic assholes I could never be like them#by treating them as solely monstrous and something completely different from you you ignore your own ability to be monstrous#because you're not like them you're better#even the worst person is still a person and not some cartoon villain#and thinks that their actions are justified#and I'm always looking at people being assholes and going what makes you think this behavior is okay. you clearly think you're in the right#seriously what makes you think this. I want to know your exact thought process so I can stay far the hell away from it#I've been the asshole thinking I was completely in the right and I've seen people be absolutely horrible and justify it to themselves#so I'm always aware that this could be me. I could be being a total fucking dick. so I'm going to study you so I can avoid that#also the next person who says it was because they didn't learn empathy/were unempathetic gets slapped
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Hey, I’m 28 now
#this picture was 3 months ago but whatever bite me#anyways#can’t believe tumblr raised me#here I am like 14 years later still on tumblr Jesus Christ#dm me if you want my insta I’ll consider it xoxo#birthdays are weird the older you get honestly#my face#fun fact I sobbed right before I took this picture cause this place is very special to me and my parents moved really far away#and this place was OUR place like me and my parents place so this was my first year here without them to see the leaves change#you can clearly see in my face that I am in the process of sobbing but you know what it was v healing and this picture really eats
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As I'm dealing with that, I also want to know about the development of amalgamation within all the African empires.
#thats a whole continent away and also i need to unpack china first tbh.#but itd be so interesting to see how THEY responded to the change from panning gold to requiring additional processing#this was undoubtedly well-recorded by Timbuktu too#ahhhh i love history so much this makes me so happy#Oh additionally; if anyone has been following this saga and reading this far: I was reading Mercury Mining and Empire which is EXTREMELY#well researched and its such a joy to read although the subject matter is... god its hard. But im getting into the mercury toxicology bit#and the guy is explaining the difference between methyl mercury and inorganic mercury and im like u have done such a good job plz dont take#my thesis lololol#But also I'm hanging on this because its so well researched and he's spent time painting the picture of brutality that was enforced.#The Spanish Empire was so horrible.#I cannot emphasize enough how many people in the colonies knew this was wrong and even petitioned the king about the mita#and the petition was denied. They all wrote about the horrors of Potosi. They all knew where their silver came from.#One official notably wrote: 'I didnt come to the colony to have the doors of heaven closed upon me.'#and that plea to the crown hits harder than most of the descriptions.#ANYWAY sorry for the tag essay but my three hour flight was historically exciting~
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if i want to really think about it, the reason i tend to love de-aging fics so much is because it’s about loving someone for who they are at their most honest and most vulnerable, it’s about putting the pieces together on why they are the way they are, and it’s about taking care of someone without the expectation of "getting something" in return. i know a lot of people are uncomfortable with de-aging tropes, which i totally respect, but to me it’s kinda a variation on the "would you still love me if i was a worm?" kind of thinking. would you still love me if i was a burden would you still love me if i had nothing to give you but my presence would you still love me etc. etc. — well-written de-aging fics also do such a good job at imagining what an innocent, less traumatised version of the character would conceivably be like, what aspects of their personality are the result of them hardening over the years and what isn’t. writing kids is hard but writing a de-aged character is even harder, and i consider it a real talent to be able to realistically portray a de-aged character. and then how the other characters react to the de-aged character, what baggage they bring to the situation, how they have to change and adapt and learn about this other version of the character. it’s just that there’s so many layers of unpacking trauma, learning or relearning kindness, for everyone involved, and to me that can’t be anything other than cathartic to the nth degree
#im rereading a child once by tossawary can you tell#although this also applies to another one of my god tier fics away childish things#i think ppl bug about de-aging tropes bc they think of fanfic as being inherently sexual/romantic#but for me it’s always been about processing emotions full stop#romance is a secondary consideration#and in these fics it’s so not the focus or even on the radar until everyone is back to their rightful age#a child once has funny moments where it’s painfully clear that baby shang qinghua is fascinated by mobei#but i think anyone that makes that out to be anything other than a kid having a bit of a crush (which is totally developmentally normal)#is reaching a bit far#anyways i love fics like this they are genuinely so healing xx#fanfic
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